“The best man has three specific functions: the stag, the rings and the speech.”

The author discusses the occasions he has been best man and what can go wrong and asks whether you should ask a friend to be best man even if he is terrible at public speaking.

Read “A man’s guide to marriage: the best man” on The Guardian

1. Consider your audience – generally your jokes should be suitable for anyone, but different weddings have different guests with different expectations. Whatever you do, don’t go over the top and offend anyone.
2. Always make your jokes as short as possible. Don’t worry if they are too long to start with, but later cut any thing unnecessary out of them. That way if the guests don’t laugh the anticlimax won’t feel so terrible – for you or the guests.
3. Set the joke up using familiar situations or names – including the bride and groom. Paint a picture using stereotypes, word associations and anything related. Make this sound like fact – the punchline will be funnier if it comes out of the blue.

I remember when John asked Jill if he could give her a ring.

4. Whether your punchline consists of exaggeration, twisting the facts, irony or shock, make sure the actual joke finishes at the end of the sentence – that way you won’t be speaking over the guests when the laugh.

It must be a bit of a surprise to be getting married today as she’s still waiting for him to call!

5. When the guests – your audience – laugh, shut up. Let them laugh and wait until the room has fallen silent again before you continue to make sure you have everyone’s attention.

Someone recently told me that the best speeches follow three simple rules; stand up; speak up; and shut up – so I’ll try and follow that advice.

The food at the last wedding I attended really took me back to my youth – not my mother’s home cooking you understand, I mean boot camp!

One of the bridesmaids at that wedding had to go and see a doctor. Each time she touched her knee with her finger she was in agony. The same with her elbow and ear – the doctor diagnosed a broken finger.

The poet Ogden Nash once described marriage as the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

I’ve got some simple advice for John – make sure you forget your mistakes as there’s no point in two people remembering the same thing.

If you’ve planned your announcements and have a list of jokes memorized that you can call upon to deliver when required to entertain your guests and keep the day lighthearted – but also keep it running smoothly – you now need to practice, practice and practice some more.

Rather than read out your announcements you should have some key points listed on paper or a series of cards. And when it comes to cracking jokes, dropping in one liners or telling anecdotes you must definitely TELL them not READ them.

You should be in a position where you can decide what jokes to use and tell it without needing to refer to a script of any kind. It’s ok to have a list reminding you of what jokes you have available but check it before your announcement not while you are speaking.

Now some expert tips on telling Wedding MC Jokes

First of all don’t let your audience – the wedding guests – known that you’re telling a joke as part of the value in joke telling is the punch line taking them by surprise.

So never say anything like “now I’ll tell you a joke” or anything similar as it will raise the expectation of a laugh and the punch line will be an anticlimax – you want to NOT raise the audience expectation so they are taken by surprise when you say something funny.

This helps jokes that are only slightly funny and will help boost your self-confidence immensely.

Also, a large part of the value of a joke is the timing. Make sure you pace yourself, don’t spend too long setting it up unless it is absolutely hilarious and use pauses to build the joke up.

When the guests laugh make sure you leave enough time for everyone to have finished laughing – resist the temptation to continue speaking immediately and wait a second or two after the laughter has stopped before continuing so that everyone can hear you and you have their full concentration.

It also makes sense to tell jokes that are related to the information you are trying to convey. Using humour not only adds to the guests’ enjoyment of the day but it also helps to underline what you say, helping to reinforce your message.

If you’ve landed the job of Master of Ceremonies then you’ll need to put some preparation in prior to the big day; it’s essential that you know what is supposed to be happening, when and where so you can prepare your announcements.

It’s also essential to put some time into planning your wedding MC jokes so you can liven up your announcements with humorous anecdotes and one liners, all at your fingertips ready to drop into your announcements like a pro.

I mentioned in the first article in this series that you shouldn’t simply pick your jokes from a joke book, as they almost certainly won’t suit your personality. However, you can take some pre-written jokes and work on them to personalize them such as:

“I recently overhead Jim asking Nancy whether she fell for him because of his brains or his looks; Nancy’s reply? His sense of humour!” – check out the Wedding MC Jokebook for more.

Don’t try too hard or your jokes will seem forced; and when you’re going through the preparation process think about whom you’ll be making the announcements too. Try and find out as much about the wedding guests in advance as you can, including, but not limited to, their age range, background and religious beliefs.

Be particularly careful about offending any of the guests or wedding party, so that means no mother-in-law jokes, no mention of previous marriages, and no vulgar language or adult humour.

If you’ve known the bride or groom for many years you should have plenty of examples of funny stories you can tell. Don’t be afraid to embellish them to add to the comedy, but downplay anything that might offend or paint that person negatively at all.

An example I used recently: a few scuba diving buddies of the groom were at the wedding, so I told the guests about how he was a keen diver and how that attraction to water had always existed. As a child he always seemed to fall into lakes and rivers and in his teens he fell into a fountain!

Now that may not seem particularly funny, but it depends on how you tell it. And at the end told them that the other thing he had in common with wish was that he drinks like one.

Again, that may not seem particularly funny, and depending on the circumstance it could be offensive. However, the guests were in stitches and complimented me on it afterwards.

If you do decide you need someone as the butt of your jokes there is just one person who is acceptable to pick on – you. If you make jokes at your own expense guests are likely to appreciate it; and you won’t run the risk of offending anyone either.

Depending on whether you have another role that requires a speech, you will be limited to announcing what is happening next, what is required of guests and where they should go. You may have to speak quite frequently, and each time gives you the opportunity to raise a laugh with the guests.

Your instructions are what that counts in making the day go smoothly, but wedding guests will appreciate you using humour to achieve that goal. Therefore choose wedding MC jokes that are funny, but aren’t going to be the centre of attention – this isn’t a standup comedy gig after all.

The role of the Wedding MC has been likened to that of a referee at a sporting event – the games that you enjoy the most are when you don’t remember the ref, and when you do remember a game because of the ref it is for the wrong reasons -  so always choose jokes that suit your personality.

With that in mind, the jokes you choose should make you laugh – if they don’t, even if other people find them funny, they don’t suit your personality and you won’t deliver them convincingly at all.

Also remember that humour should be in good taste and not offend a single guest attending the wedding – if in any doubt at all it isn’t suitable. And if you come across as being very serious, then feel free to skip them completely and concentrate on getting the important part of your job done well.

Often the best humour for wedding speeches is anecdotal in nature, which during your announcements can be something that has occurred to you, or to someone you know. Nobody will expect the absolute truth, so you’re free to exaggerate as much as you want, and self-depreciating humour always goes down well. Anecdotes are often easier to tell, and can be much funnier than jokes from jokebooks, which often won’t watch your personal style of humour.

The only thing to watch is that since your announcements are short, you should keep your jokes short too. The funnier the joke, the longer it can be, but the general rule is to keep it short and simple – remember, it’s not about you!

And when the audience laughs, make sure you wait until everyone has finished before continuing. If they can’t hear what you have to say next because of the noise then you’re not doing your job properly.

In the next article in this series I’ll go into more detail on picking great wedding MC jokes for your announcements throughout the day.

Never forget that not everyone making a speech will be looking forward to it; far from it, many will be dreading the prospect.

Anything you can do to put the speakers at their ease beforehand will be much appreciated by them and result in better speeches for the guests to listen to. That includes giving them 10 minutes warning that the speeches will start, giving them time for the bathroom and to ensure they have a full glass of water to hand.

Following each speech, once they have retaken their seat, you should remember to thank the speaker for their kind words before introducing the next speaker.

When the speeches have been completed it will probably be time for you to raise a toast to all those relatives and friends unable to attend or else move the proceedings on to the delightful ritual of the newly-weds cutting the wedding cake.

In addition to possibly giving a speech, it is also necessary for the Wedding MC to introduce each of the speakers; once again, a little preparation with the bride and groom will prove of invaluable assistance.

Although your introduction of each speaker must be brief, it is always impressive if you are able to give just a little bit of information about the person speaking; needless to say, it is also imperative that you have got the pronunciation of the names eight too.

Have some notes written down to remind yourself exactly who is speaking and the order in which you will be introducing them. Many people like to use a series of numbered cards rather than larger pieces of paper.

Just make sure you don’t leave them lying on a table for long; the temptation to fluster you by hiding them might be too great for some of your friends!

In common with all the other duties that involve you addressing the room, if you do feel that you can inject humour into your introductions then do so.

It is often a good idea to discuss this in advance with the soon-to-be-marrieds; wedding MC jokes, anecdotes or one-liners should be appropriate for everyone at the wedding reception and the last thing you want to do is to offend anyone.

And it is important not to try to upstage the people making speeches; your role is to introduce and help – you are not the star of the show so, although you want to be successful in your MC duties, resist any temptation to give a star turn.

As Master of Ceremonies at a wedding you will be required to introduce each guest who is about to make a speech at the wedding reception.

In addition to this you may also be required to give a speech of your own. Wedding MC speeches don’t feature in the traditional list of wedding speeches unless you are also Best Man or have been requested by the Bride and Groom.

A few days prior to the wedding you should have already have discussed the reception in detail with the prospective bride and groom; that is the time to acquaint yourself with exactly who is going to be making the speeches on this occasion.

You should also check the order in which they will speak, and whether the speeches will be made between the main course and the dessert of the meal or, perhaps, after dessert but prior to the ceremonial cutting of the wedding cake.

At the wedding, it is a good idea to give the people about to make a speech a ten minute warning so that they can perhaps nip to the bathroom and also make sure they have a full glass of water.

It might be worthwhile giving the waiters the same prior notice, if you think they might need reminding about the need to ensure that all the guests’ glasses are full in preparation for the forthcoming toasts.

In the previous articles I discussed how it is the Wedding MC’s responsibility to ensure that the wedding reception runs smoothly and gave the receiving line as an example of what you need to think about prior to the big day and want to follow on from there.

Once the guests are seated each stage of the reception needs to be introduced by the Wedding MC, including:

• the entrance of the bride and groom
• the introduction of the person saying grace (if appropriate)
• introducing each guest making a speech
• reading the greetings telegrams or messages from absent friends and family
• announcing the ceremonial rituals such as cutting the cake, throwing the bouquet and garter and the traditional first dance of the newly-weds.

If you are able to include a few funny one-liners into your introductions and announcements, then it will lead to an even more relaxed atmosphere – Wedding MC jokes should be light-hearted and avoid anything that could be considered remotely offensive to anyone at the wedding.

It’s important, though, not to feel under pressure to be funny every time you stand up – not everyone can do that and it might just make you feel more tense; being natural and pleasant is just as important as being humorous.

As long as you remember that you are helping people to have a memorably pleasant day or evening and you are able to keep yourself relaxed and adaptable, things will almost always go smoothly.